A zombie apocalypse power primer

Last night was Halloween, one of my favorite holidays of the year. So, I did one of my favorite things: I watched classic moaning, groaning undead flicks, including the new “zombie western” on AMC. Zombies are my favorite of all horror creatures: They are frightening monsters but with a visual reminder of the humanity that once existed. I love the groupthink hunger horde that zombies represent---zombies are, essentially, the primal id selves we all fear we might become some day in the absence of our dull civilizing network of bank ATMs, cable TV and On the Border restaurants.

But, as someone in the power business, I’m often fascinated at what the remaining non-zombie survivors have to work with once the power grid goes out. Sometimes it’s accurate (the AMC show worked hard for that, even adding odd exposition to explain why the water was hot and ran here at the police station but not there at the house), but a lot of times there are major gaps in the power reality of a zombie movie, leading me to believe that most Americans don’t understand just how pervasive power is in their lives.

Personally, in case of a zombie apocalypse, I’d be more worried about lack of power than the power of a deadly undead bite.

Power isn’t just the reason your TV flickers and the lights go on. Power pushes through things you’ve never thought of, really----like pumps that allow you to have running water and gas to flow from a station’s underground reservoir.

One of my favorite newer zombie flicks is “Zombieland,” but, I admit that I was a bit of a heckler on my first viewing in the theater when our hero fills up at a gas station 3 weeks after the great epidemic. Without power, there’s no pumping of gas. Period. If we all lived in 1920 when the pumps still relied on customer (or, more likely, attendant) manpower, our hero might have had a shot, but manual gas pumps are a relic of the past. We’ve made them electronic, like the rest of the world.

So, when the zombies attack, remember: Fill up first. Because, when they get enough people to join the scary zombie cult and no one is left to man power stations, you’ve only got the gas in your car to work with. (But, take heart, the survivors in EV cars will be dead before you are.)

Now, let’s talk water. Many water utility lift stations (or pump stations) will have back-up generators, and your hot water heater will have 40-50 gallons, sometimes, of water still in the system. This will give you some time to hunker down if the zombie hordes are roaming the streets. But, alas, those stations aren’t meant to operate long-term without power. So, eventually, when the generators run out of fuel, your sewer system stops working. And, when the clean reservoirs at your local water treatment plant go dry and no more can be lifted into the system, your water stops running (even gravity systems don’t work if there’s no water to pull from).

But, it’s true, you’ll have water longest. Remember that. Long after lights, TV, cable, Internet, your cell phone (once it runs out of power, you’re out of talk time permanently), you will have water. Just don’t forget to boil it first before drinking. (Here’s hoping you remember how to build a fire from your Girl Scout/Boy Scout days.)

Finally, yes, generators will be a godsend in the zombie apocalypse. But, remember, they are only temporary. You run out of fuel, and you run out of power. Without the massive oil industry to produce more (and without electronic pumps to lift it from the station’s underground holding tank, as mentioned earlier with “Zombieland”), there are only so many abandoned cars, tractors and motor homes you can scavenge for leftovers. Eventually, without fuel production, there will be no power.

In the end, watching a small band of survivors take on the zombie hordes and deal with the newfound inconveniences of a powerless world, I have to admit that my great affection for power grows two sizes with each viewing. Power is a marvelous thing, and I hope we can avoid the zombie apocalypse that would put a significant dent into my delightfully pampered lifestyle.

But, it might not hurt to buy a generator and stock up on fuel just in case. I want that pampered power lifestyle for as long as humanly possible.